


Life on the Edge

by derryderrydown



Category: Marvel Ultimates
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-24
Updated: 2011-07-24
Packaged: 2017-10-21 17:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derryderrydown/pseuds/derryderrydown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>″Well, darling, as part of my living-every-moment plan, I′ve decided to experience everything I possibly can. And I realised about five minutes ago that I′ve never had sex with a man.″ Tony beamed. ″Where better to start than the absolute peak of human perfection?″</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life on the Edge

Martini in one hand, condom and lube in the other, Tony straddled Steve′s lap. When Steve didn′t immediately throw him off, he figured it was a good start.

″I mentioned the whole inoperable brain tumour, inevitable looming death, right?″ he said.

″Yes?″ Steve said warily.

″Well, darling, as part of my living-every-moment plan, I′ve decided to experience everything I possibly can. And I realised about five minutes ago that I′ve never had sex with a man.″ Tony beamed. ″Where better to start than the absolute peak of human perfection?″

″No,″ Steve said.

"Excuse me? I′m _dying._ You can′t refuse a dying man′s request. It′s completely un-American.″ He shrugged. ″Besides, we saved the world together. Doesn′t that at least entitle me to a kiss?″

″I am not having sex with you,″ Steve said.

″I′ll bottom,″ Tony said. ″That′s kind of the entire point, really.″

″No.″

″You must have wondered what it′d be like. Every man has.″ Tony took a sip of his martini. ″Okay, maybe you imagined it with a woman. So just shut your eyes and think of me as a really ugly woman with tiny, hairy tits and a facial hair problem. I′m sure you fucked a woman or two like that in Poland.″

″Is this how you get all the women?″ Steve asked, and Tony noted with satisfaction the way the corners of his mouth were twitching upwards. ″You just keep talking at them until they give in?″

Tony finished his martini and dropped the glass on the floor. ″The women tend to talk at me until I give in, actually.″ He draped his arms over Steve′s shoulders. ″Come on, Captain. Help a teammate out. Just one little fuck?″

″Will it make you shut up?″

″I will never mention it again. Scout′s honour.″

Steve stood up, effortlessly lifting Tony with him. ″Okay,″ he said. ″On the condition that you keep your mouth shut the entire time.″

″Can I scream with pleasure?″ Tony asked, crossing his ankles behind Steve′s ass.

″If you scream falsetto.″

Tony grinned. ″I′m sure that can be arranged, darling.″

* * *

Two days later, Steve walked in on Tony straddling Thor′s lap. ″Where better to start than an actual, genuine god?″ he was asking.

Steve turned round and walked straight back out, but, before the door could shut behind him, he heard Thor saying, ″Sure, no problems.″

Damn, but he hated being played.


End file.
